If you follow me on Instagram you may have witnessed my meltdown yesterday on my Instagram stories over deodorant. If you don’t follow me on Instagram, in a nutshell, I woke up, jumped in the shower, dried off (don’t worry you didn’t see any of that in my story) and then attempted to put on deodorant. No biggy. Only I couldn’t put on deodorant because as soon as I went to apply it, the deodorant crumbled and came away from the deodorant stick and landed all over my floor.
I was frothing at the mouth and a stuttering mess who could barely get the words out I was so crazed. I know what you are thinking. How can someone get so worked up and upset about a deodorant stick? Everything going on in the world at the moment and this is what pushes you over the edge. If it was a one-off, I agree but this happens with almost EVERY deodorant stick and it catches me off guard EVERY time. The design of stick deodorant is so bad that you can’t see when you are almost finished with it and if you are a little amourous with your under swipe it breaks and crumbles. It’s the same problem if you accidentally overwind it.
Stick deodorant is also horrible to apply, it is like rubbing a waxy and yet chalky fragrant candle under your pits. It feels odd on your skin. It also makes a hell of a mess that is a pain to clean up due to the weird consistency and it gets in all the nooks and crannies in our floorboards. With three deodorant users in the house including a 12-year-old on his provisional deodorant license, it happens on the regular so yesterday was the straw that broke the camels back.
If you are from outside Canada and the United States you may have no clue what I’m actually talking about and so here is a picture of the offending deodorant.
For a reason, I will never understand it is really hard to find roll-on deodorant here. It took me 3 visits to the supermarket to buy one yesterday. The first supermarket only had one brand of roll-on sitting on the shelf, I needed to go to another supermarket for something else so I stupidly made the mistake of not buying it and seeing if the other supermarket had the brand I wanted. Not only did they not have the brand I wanted they didn’t have any roll-on deodorant. Yep! Shelf after shelf of stick deodorant (and the odd aerosol deodorant) and not a lick of roll-on. A third supermarket visit was required and sitting on the shelf was one brand of roll-on sitting in a sea of useless stick deodorants.
It turns out I am not alone in my hatred of North American deodorant. I got several messages on Instagram from other expats that have lived or are living in Canada or America and felt the same way. The majority either get it shipped from home. Let’s face it, one thing Australians should be experts on is deodorant. The bulk of the country is a furnace for 365 days a year.
During my deodorant meltdown, I was messaging and having a laugh with my friend Janelle. She and her family have just made the move from Australia to America so we often chat about some of the odd and annoying expat differences. I was telling her how The Canadian and I always talk about the things we would “invent” that have actually already been invented but for some reason haven’t taken off or are not in North America.
If I worked in banking, for instance, I would invent being able to transfer money from my bank account to a friends bank account directly and not through a 3rd party. Yep. You read that right, you can’t do that in Canada. Here you need passwords, secret codes, emails and it goes through a 3rd party and needs to be claimed by the receiver before it then gets put into the account. The backwards banking in Canada ranks high on the list of things expats bitch about in the facebook expat groups in Canada.
Whenever I open a tin of tuna or canned tomatoes I miss ring pull cans. Why are ring pull cans not a thing here? Especially on the messier and smellier items like canned soup, tomatoes, tuna, coconut milk and corn. I rarely used a can opener in Australia, in fact it probably got used once a year if it was lucky. The can opener is a hard-working workhorse here in Canada.
When I built up the courage to drive in Canada I started to notice the annoyance that is an intersection with four-way stop signs. I find either nobody goes and it’s a standoff or then everyone goes at the same time. Why don’t they just have roundabouts? I think I can count on one hand the number of roundabouts I have seen since we moved to Ontario but we happen to have one in our area. It’s hilarious because nobody knows how to use it. I shouldn’t laugh though because when I went back to Australia earlier this year and got behind the wheel back on the other side of the road, it was roundabouts that messed with my driving brain. I was constantly second-guessing if I was on the correct side of the road driving in and out of them. I was also driving on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland and if you know the area it’s roundabout mecca.
As an expat who adores living in Canada, it may come off that I am being negative about my adopted home. I’m not. I adore Canada and Canadians but it’s funny the odd little things you miss about home. In my head, I often create my own little Nirvana that is a perfect combination of all the good from the two countries and none of the bad. It’s a wonderful place to live and yes everyone uses roll-on deodorant.