Silence of the Lambs

Over the weekend,  we celebrated a milestone with the 8-year-old getting a new moniker and becoming the 9-year-old.

Nothing says kids birthday than an afternoon spent watching medieval knights trying to kill each other as you chow down on a 3-course feast and so we found ourselves at Medieval Times.

The BEST scene in the terrible movie Cable Guy with Jim Carrey and Matthew Broderick is at Medieval Times, take a look!


When I found out Toronto had a Medieval Times we just had to check it out.

The Medieval Times “castle” is located in a grand old building at Exhibition Place that was previously the Arts and Crafts building.

Medieval times toronto

When you enter you are issued with a cardboard crown that is colour coded for the section you are sitting and the team of knights you will be barracking.   After a family photo with a knight holding a mangy looking bird where we all look like the Adams Family (I’m talking about the show not my lovely friends The Adams family that moved to Melbourne) we walked through to the grand hall.

We spotted a bar so I suggested,  “we go thither and purchase a cooling ale from the bar keep.”

A glass of toxic waste was purchased for the 9-year-old in a souvenir cup and some of  Wayne Gretzky’s finest grape juice for myself in a gold goblet that will go straight to the pool room.

** Wayne Gretzky should stick to playing Ice Hockey and not making wine because it was horrid!

toxic waste drink

We then had time to kill before being ushered into the arena so checked out the kiosks peddling wares, ie Made in China plastic glow in the dark crap.


The main hall doors opened and it was time to find our seating.  As it was the newly 9 year-olds birthday I splurged when buying the tickets and upgraded the seats to the front row but the way the seating is laid out none of the seats are in a bad position.

medieval times show 1


Let the Games Begin!!!!

Out came a horse and knight and the show began.



I then drifted back to my childhood growing up in Sydney in the 1970’s and early 80’s and going to a place called  El Caballo Blanco on a school excursion to see the Spanish dancing horses.  The TV jingle for that place is not one easily forgotten and seemed to be on every ad break back in the day …. ” El Caballo Blanco feels like you’re living in Spain” ….

Tormenting me again for the entire time I was at Medieval Times, I couldn’t get it out of my head.

Sadly El Caballo Blanco closed down in the 90’s and was leveled for a housing development.

Just like in the Cable Guy movie scene a 3-course utensil-free meal is served.  Intrigued I couldn’t wait to see if we would be dining on huge Turkey legs Henry the Eighth style.

Our serving wench gave everyone in our row a piece of garlic bread and dished out Dragon Blood Soup (Tomato Soup) in a gruel bowl.

medieval times soup

Surprisingly,  the entire meal was very nice, even with the odd waft of horse shit as you dined.

The main meal consisted of half a chicken, corn on the cob and a roast potato that you picked at with your fingers.  All of the pieces had been seasoned and full of flavour.  Dessert was a butter tart.

High on Toxic Waste someone in our party of 3 decided to replicate the Jim Carrey Medieval Times movie scene where he becomes Hanibal Lector from Silence of the Lambs.  The show was not only happening in front of me but on the seat sitting next to me as well.


medieval times silence of the lambs
“Hello Clarice”


When the jousting, killing and maiming started up the row of 8-year-old girls behind us celebrating a birthday went wild screaming at the knights “go home” and “die” with such passion that I hoped the 9-year-old does not cross paths with any of them in the teenage years.  I suspect the birthday girls mum most likely thought the same after witnessing my son putting greasy chicken skin on his face.

The cheering was infectious and the show very cheesy and oh so much fun.

The knights all looked like when not playing a role at Medieval Times that they spent a fair bit of time playing dungeons and dragons in their bedrooms.   I suspect they live and breath the role both at work and at home.  One particular nerd knight, the green knight creeped me out a bit in just how seriously he took the role, especially when he was throwing flowers into the crowd for the ladies or finding himself a fair maiden in the audience.  I get the feeling he wasn’t acting.

The show went for about 2 hours and it was so cheesy it was fun. It also appeals to all ages and the 9-year-old loved every minute talking about it for hours after we got home.

Well worth a visit!

If going search the net for a coupon code before purchasing tickets online because I did and ended up purchasing the tickets for a significantly discounted price.



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