How I became a bearded hipster!

It has been a yawn,  yawn couple of days.   I have been house bound with the 8-year-old who I suspect picked up something at the world’s skankiest Doctors surgery last week (refer to previous blog post).

Trapped at home and with time on my hands,  I decided it was time to take care of the lady garden growing on my chin and re-open  “Danielle’s house of hair removal”.

Since my 20’s I have battled with the hair above my upper lip however in the last few years and with what I suspect is the onslaught of perimenopause I seem to be turning into a primate.

On Saturday,  I found myself looking in a mirror that had some exceptional light so optimum conditions for the tweezers to come out of retirement and remove some of the thicker hairs on my chinny, chin, chin.  Staring back at me in the mirror was not a billy goat but it appears that since moving to Canada, I have morphed into a bearded bloody hipster!!!!

How did this happen?  It’s a quick slip on the slide into Hipsterdom and I think this is how it went down.

Living in Australia I owned 1 plaid shirt, I am now the owner of a wardrobe that is 50 shades of plaid in only a few short months.  I own more plaid than my husband.

plaid wardrobe

I wear socks and sandals (well joke ones)

socks and sandals socks

And I do have a love of Birkenstocks


I got prescribed my first pair of glasses last year and I love a craft beer.

I am currently attempting Febfast and not drinking alcohol for the month of February so no craft beers for me.   I am very proud of my efforts this year as I am on Day 9, last year I only lasted until lunch time on Day 1.

craft beer

Having read recently that Bearded Hipsters are on the way out and having always wondered if Bacteria breeds in those beards,  I decided that it was time for the beard to go (not the plaid, I have actually fallen in love with all things plaid)

My usual removal method is waxing but after many years of trial and error my skin only likes one brand of wax and I have not been able to find it in the local pharmacies so I grabbed a box of depilatory cream.

Having never used depilatory cream before I read the instructions (twice) and even performed a patch test.  When I opened the tube I thought it was a bit on the nose, applied a little patch, waited, washed it off and with no reaction,  I applied it to the entire beard and moustache area of my face.    At this point, I almost threw up from the smell, my gawd, it is so vile,  this stuff stinks like rotten egg farts.

The instructions stated in big letters you shouldn’t leave it on for more than 5 minutes, I set a timer and waited.   The manufacturer need not fear, due to the smell I couldn’t wait to get it off.

I washed it off and just like magic my face was left smoother than a baby’s bum, unfortunately, the smell did not wash down the sink with the hair.  Our bathroom is an internal room without a window and even with the fan on it took hours for the smell to dissipate sadly I can’t say the same about the smell on myself.  I couldn’t shake it or hide from myself.  I think it’s best I am left in the dark what depilatory cream consists of but it works a treat.

Needing fresh air and escaping the stink we went to Fancy Franks Gourmet Hot Dogs for lunch.

I love some mystery meat and nothing is better than a lips and asshole in a bun.  Franks are Hot Dogs on steroids, most of the Hot Dogs on the menu are a basic frankfurter in a bun but then pimped out with other ingredients.  Last time we went to Franks, The Canadian who is always in a hurry put me under the pump when ordering and I wasn’t happy with my choice (as punishment I made him swap his dog for mine) but this time,  I stood my ground, took my time, perused the menu and ordered a Po’Boy Gets Fancy.

Po boyPo Boy Franks Gourmet Hot Dogs

Look at that thing!!!!!

2 Giant Panko crumbed shrimp, lettuce, horseradish mayo and hot sauce WITH a frankfurter of mystery meat in a soft hot dog roll.

It was good!

Speaking of good, one of the ups of being trapped at home is slow cooking and having something stewing away in the oven for dinner.  Last night I made Baby Mac’s Slow Cooked Pulled Pork if you are looking for a pulled pork recipe Beth’s is the business.  It is fool proof, super tasty and perfect if you are cooking for a crowd and want to spend more time on the wines with your friends then stuck in the kitchen.  Last night it was just us so with plenty of leftovers dinner is sorted again for tonight.

The 8-year-old went back to school today and with all the serenity I enjoyed a Pancake Tuesday late breakfast/early lunch.


All these extra kilojoules should come in handy this weekend because we are getting hit with our first extreme cold since arriving.   It’s a long weekend and we are going on a trip to Ottawa, just check out those weekend temps.    I thought about postponing the trip but with similar weather in Toronto this weekend we may as well just hit the road.


Despite the impending weather I am enjoying researching things for us to do in Ottawa over the weekend.

If anyone is reading this with tips on must do’s for Ottawa … 3 … 2 … 1 … GO!  Any tips much appreciated, please leave a comment.


    • Maple Bacon Please!

      I was wondering if all beard removing creams stink like rotten egg farts or just the brand I used but after your comment I suspect it’s all beard remover! How good does it feel though once all that yucky hair is removed?!? Such a shame it doesn’t last long …..

  • joannesisco

    OMG – where do I start?

    Pulled pork – yum. Yes, please.

    Hot dogs – ewww. I haven’t been able to eat a hot dog since I was pregnant with son #1. He’s 30 now. I still can’t get past the smell. I don’t care how much stuff is put on them.

    Which brings me to depilatories. They serve the double function of clearing blocked sinuses. A woman did not design this product. In fact, I’m convinced a person who HATES women designed this product.

    Lastly, I’m very jealous you’re going to Ottawa. It’s been on my to-do list for over a year. Alas, no one wants to go with me. Might have to do it on my own. On my Ottawa list is touring the parliament buildings and visiting Diefenbunker.
    I’ve heard rumours that tours of the parliament buildings will end next year for a massive renovation project. As a Canadian, I’m ashamed I have never toured parliament and I’m anxious to get there before the doors close for a very long time!!

    • Maple Bacon Please!

      Thank you so much for the tip re Parliament and the tour, I will make sure we do it so we don’t miss out.

      Have just looked up Diefenbunker and have now added it to the itinerary, my husband and son would absolutely love it.

      Stay tuned for a post-Ottawa blog post!

      I put a link for the Pulled Pork recipe I used, give it a go, it’s really yummy and so easy. If chocolate cake is your thing the same blogger has a recipe for a chocolate cake she calls Anne that is amazing.

  • Liz & Kate

    Oh you are such a funny writer!!!

    I feel we deserve a shot of you in full on plaid and berkies with your head blanked out at the bathroom mirror like the dentist in the toothbrush ad (brand escape me).
    I actually want you to commence researching beauticians who in T’ronto are caled ‘Estheticians” (WTF????) so you can regale us with your hilarious observations.

    My tip for visiting Ottowa = Rideau Canal ice skating….take your new whizz bang skates!!!

    Thankyou for distracting me from work for a few minutes:)

    Oh and just to clarify as a friend who I put onto your blog suggested I might need to clarify – my moniker ‘Liz & Kate’ refers to me (Liz) and my oldest daughter (Kate) and not some wierd bonded blog appreciation habit we’ve taken up…we are joint-blogging at our family blog and hence I set up the wordpress userid as Liz & Kate…I’m now worried that it’s just WIERD!!!!


    • Maple Bacon Please!

      LOL – YES! Rob the Dentist from the Oral B ads.

      My rainbow unicorn hair, my bearded hipster look in Birkenstocks. My friends from Sydney wouldn’t recognise me if they fell over me in the street. (Thank goodness the hair has returned to a semi-normal colour).

      I agree, the word Esthetician is just weird, it sounds like some crazy scientist of hair removal. My husband keeps asking when I will be getting my Social Insurance Number (tax file number) so I can get a job??? “Job” I reply, I am far too busy filling my day researching all things salon in Toronto.

      Skating the Canal has always been on my Bucket List and the plus of the shitty cold front coming through is it will give them a good freeze. Because of the mild weather they have been closed and only opened for the first time the other weekend and then closed again until this week. I’m determined to get those blades of glory on that canal even if it is only for 5 minutes before I freeze my ass off!

      Thanks for the clarification re the blog, at first, I was a little confused but then when I was reading it the other day I had it sussed out. I was going to leave a comment the other day but I was on my phone and having “technical” issues (I couldn’t work out what I was doing), I am so impressed with Kates writing, especially for her age. She shows such maturity. It is such a lovely project for you to do together.

      Keep it up!


      P.S That freezer!!!! What an awesome idea!!!!

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